Lately I’ve been feeling the lack of roots. I’ve lived in Los Angeles for almost 20 years, in this community for almost five, and still, even though I know so many wonderful people, I watch women and families in groups around me with longing.
When I picked up Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, it turned out I needed some high-level motivation delivered with a wink and a raised eyebrow.
Most of us know someone who lives life out loud, to the fullest, bright as yellow. They seem unfettered by fears. Writer Nicole C. Kear had her own good reason for throwing caution to the wind and living a daring life. At age 19 she learned she was going blind.
I haven’t been to school in 20 years, but the ebb and flow of the academic calendar became body memory long ago. That same knowledge allows me to drive through the hometown I visit only once a year, without knowing the directions, because my body remembers the turns and hills.
We are at our 20th college reunion, but we are not fully here. We are here with the ghosts of ourselves. We are walking around the lake with the 20-year-olds we were. They are wearing shorter shorts. They have stronger legs. They have never had lower back problems.